To Busi.. with Love

I recently watched a clip by Lisa Nichols, (a life coach and motivational speaker amoungst many things). Basically she was talking about 3 things that she repeated to herself for a long time, that helped her get over a lot of the issues that were holding her back and walk her way to success. 

I decided to try it, to give myself a chance to understand me, and to work on MY issues, that I've swiftly put under the carpet for years. This year is about self development.. and understanding that I cannot do nor achieve anything unless I deal with myself 1st, and love myself again.

Here's are the 3 steps below: 

• Busi... I'M PROUD OF YOU

I celebrate you everyday. How far you have come, what you have achieved. The challenges you have battled and won, for keeping on walking. For managing to give birth to that child even though your body was giving in. For giving life to BeaucyNkosi, your alter ego. For holding on, your resilience is outstanding. Keep on, I'm proud of you.

• Busi...  I FORGIVE YOU

There are so many things that you've done, that you are not proud of. That you spent energy, consciously and subconsciously blaming yourself, resenting yourself for them. I want you to know that I forgive you. That those moments, were mandatory for building the woman you are becoming. I forgive you for the hurt, for the pain, for the lies you told your self, for betraying yourself countless of times for the benefit of others, and for hardly ever prioritizing yourself. Now, in this new place we are in, we know, we love ourselves 1st, but we must forgive ourselves. It's ok Busi, I forgive you. Our God is a God of many 2nd chances. Take it. :).

Thank you

• Busi... I COMMIT TO YOU

Dear Busi, i'm committed to making you an amazing woman, Gods very best version. I'm committed to taking out the best in you. I'm committed to making you happy, to prioritizing you. I'm committed to loving you, flaws and all, to taking care of you. I love you. I commit my every being to you.

I want to meditate on these 3 points for some time and see where this will get me. Just typing them down is bringing up so many blocked emotions. I've spent so much time not thinking about myself much that when I do now, I see the mess I've created... a beautiful, messy garden, that can be bought back to its peaceful nature. With work, patience, forgiveness and lots of nurturing... nurturing, yes, feels like an odd word to say to my self. Nurture your self.

Discipline and Consitancy

The year is almost over and on reflection, I realized this year has mostly been about me, among other things. This wasn't even part of the plan really, I just found myself suddenly taking (long overdue) interest in myself. I had to really start from scratch, re introduce myself to myself, learn what it is that I like, that annoys me and how I handle situations. It has been years, I feel like I had lost touch with who I was, clouded by everything around me and everyone else I always prioritize over me. Its been a journey..Its still a journey.

Anyway one of the things that recently become apparent to me and that's a big flaw that has been holding me back is my lack of discipline and consistency. I lack in these departments so much and ever since discovering that, I've been trying, not convincingly  though, to work on this.

It has become quote clear to me that I'll be going nowhere fats if I don't fix this. I've started and stopped going to the gym 3 times already this year. Here's the thing, I really enjoy exercising, so me stopping has nothing to do with finding it hard or anything like that..I really find pure joy in it. I get excited once i start and my body looooves it..but before I know it, I'm no longer going ...because, i'm tired, or had a long day, or my daughter is being clingy..or..I just lark discipline. I could use any of these excuses because they are true but I know the biggest underlining factor is I'm just not discipline enough.

Same goes for my music, another passion of mine, Thee ultimate passion, yet I will always find an excuse good enough as to why I didn't rehearse and this is ticking me off. My actions are not matching my dreams. I know this... I talk about this with myself...yet..I still go back to the same cycle.

Listen yo, I don't want to stay dreaming until I'm in my 30s and 40s and still plotting the same ideas that are in my head now. You gotta understand that I've had the same dreams ever since I was a kid and although the dreams are more defined and structured now..they are still just that..dreams. So i realize I have to be hard on myself because making excuses has clearly not worked out for me.

I also need to start implementing this discipline and consistency on small things, like ..those small insignificant things I keep saying I will do but never do...taking my shoes that need new soles and heals to a shoe repair guy, clearing up my over crowded boot, drinking 2L of water daily and so on. I suppose if I have at being disciplined in my daily life with the small things, I don't suppose I would actually make it work. Its either I have excuses or results. I've been chilling with buckets of excuses for a while and that hasn't worked so I suppose the other option has to work.

If I'm going to be a big deal..I suppose I out to start acting like one...capisce?..



#StuffForLegends
#JourneyToWisdom
#LearnAsIGrwo

What inspiration looks like :)

BeaucyNkosi and LoveGlori

Super looking forward to this. if things go as planned, its gonna be a whole new look, sound and feel for BeaucyNkosi. the little messeges i get from the other world while im asleep should come alive and what better time than now. :) starting the fisrt rehearsal this friday. whoop whoop

The Private Public person

So i recently had a photo shoot and this time it was done right outside my house. needless to say, my fear became a reality. ok here is the thing about me. im very private person, so much that until recently, very few people in my hood knew about my other life, you know, my music life. Lol, i know its weird that i refer to it as my other life but it basically feels like it is. i mean im a student at UJ to most people. most people think im that girl whose gonna get a degree, get a good job, buy a car and a house and get married. but very little people know that i live music, i go to shows sometimes with very little money and crash as the oddest places, have weird pot head friends, lol, and sometimes am myself, probably wont get a fancy car anytime soon and that i hate school and everything it represents.(a story for another day).

But with music growing, im forced to push my self and market myself EVERYWHERE. my hood, my home and m school are the places are spend most of my days. i want to feel comfortable and free in those places. my fear has been that if people know about my music life, they will look at me differently, you know. about 2months ago, there was an article on a newspaper dailysun and my picture was put there. people from my hood obviously saw that. and every time i went out to the shop or something people would comment on it or shout from across the street. as cool as that my sound, i found my self dreading to go out. coz i had lost the comfort of walking about freely without people looking and pointing at me. the same goes with the photo shoot. people came out to see what was going on, watching, making comments listening to when i was singing in the MIDDLE OF THE STREET NOGAL. later that day, ppl would stop me to ask about it or others would just point out at me and say what ever to each other. again i felt like i was being stripped in my own comfort zone. for as long as i can remember i have never enjoyed having a large amount of attention on me. Ive learnt to deal with it on stage, coz i enjoyed it there, but im yet to deal with it in my own hometown. or maybe I'm making a big deal out of nothing..mmmm:/

anyway here are some of the photos from the shoot.

Dreams and Reality

Need to learn the ART separating my dreams from my reality. i seem to spent most of my time in my dreams and as a result have neglected my reality and its slowly becoming stale. the dream is more comforting, much calmer, greener, safer and free. I'm happy when I'm there, I'm complete. i don't need to hide secrets from my mirror or lie to my thoughts, i just be. in my dream, the stage is bigger, colourful and warm, the sound in insync and i can hear my heart beat.

Reality is, I've lost the use of my heart, but its still beating..at least. I'm surrounded by some dude, Society they call him. He's constantly trying to suppress me, control me. I'm worn out. i cant keep up, i refuse to keep up. most of the time, his voice is louder than mine, so it becomes a little difficult to hear Busi... sometimes i hear Beaucy, but Busi is a bit hard to hear.

recently, while i was going about myself, searching through myself, i found that the little 6year old Busi was still alive, sitting inside me in a corner. she's still the same bubbly care free person. She looked a little sad though. so as i was passing through a park at night i decided to make her a little happy. i climbed up a swing set and my.. i felt alive as she pounced with joy. i haven't played for a while, you know..just to do something for nje. 6 year old Busi is happy, and i wanna keep her happy. i should build a swing set in my yard..lol.:) 

The Black Tip

Recently i was out with my boyfriend. we were at some fancy place (not because thats usually where we go, but i was perfoming there). Anyway, we orded drinks and chilled for a while. We had a really good waiter, Vusi was his name. He was so friendly and really seemed to care, i bet thats part of his job, but he still made us feel like part of the family.

So after a few hours of chilling, we call in for our bill. We had separate bills because i arrived before him so i opened my own tap. Vusi walkes back to us with both our bills and a pen. He leaves us with them. I look at the little slip and see a gab for a tip. I look at my boyfriend and i see he's thinking the same thing. "A tip"? I say. He has been so good to us you know.

Ok here's the Dilemma. me and my boyfrind, and most of my friends really are usually found at Mcdonalds, KFC, Picnic at the park and so on. Basically, we never faced with a situation were we have to tip anyone. so we have no idea what a "good tip" or a "bad tip" is. "R5" my boyfriend says. "I laugh, isn't that too little" i proclaim. "I dont know" he says honestly. The other Dilemma is really, we also dont have that much money, we never do. Lol maybe thats why we never come to such places, not because we dont want to, because we know we cant afford it-yet. Its not an issue for me, i'm use to my life and like the places i go to. I feel like, its where i am now. Few years later i will be in a different place, will hang in places that will suit the lifestyle then, no biggie.

Finally, we both decide to scrible 10rands on the tip, each, on our bills. Still i wonder to myself if this is enough. i dont know if this is usually what he gets, maybe he gets more than this. Maybe he thinks we are such asswholes for tipping so little. lol

Ive struggled with this for a while now. Balancing my normal everyday life and this new life i'm exposed to now that i perfom a lot in different places. The places i go to sometimes, most of the times i cant afford them. Like i said, ive never really had a problem with my life and its not an issue what i can afford and cannot. But when you thrown into that world, you wonder if people around you cant see that you not, well, one of them. I'm just there to perfom, lol, and really, its not my scene, but i find my self trying to act confortable in the place, you know like Jim comes to Jozi.

After speaking to a few of my friends, i realised how most of us black people from the township have to adjust to the lifestyle we find ourselves in. And tipping, is a shaky topic in the black community. yah neh, sometimes blacks can be so Mcdonalised..lol..

Bless***