Discipline and Consitancy

The year is almost over and on reflection, I realized this year has mostly been about me, among other things. This wasn't even part of the plan really, I just found myself suddenly taking (long overdue) interest in myself. I had to really start from scratch, re introduce myself to myself, learn what it is that I like, that annoys me and how I handle situations. It has been years, I feel like I had lost touch with who I was, clouded by everything around me and everyone else I always prioritize over me. Its been a journey..Its still a journey.

Anyway one of the things that recently become apparent to me and that's a big flaw that has been holding me back is my lack of discipline and consistency. I lack in these departments so much and ever since discovering that, I've been trying, not convincingly  though, to work on this.

It has become quote clear to me that I'll be going nowhere fats if I don't fix this. I've started and stopped going to the gym 3 times already this year. Here's the thing, I really enjoy exercising, so me stopping has nothing to do with finding it hard or anything like that..I really find pure joy in it. I get excited once i start and my body looooves it..but before I know it, I'm no longer going ...because, i'm tired, or had a long day, or my daughter is being clingy..or..I just lark discipline. I could use any of these excuses because they are true but I know the biggest underlining factor is I'm just not discipline enough.

Same goes for my music, another passion of mine, Thee ultimate passion, yet I will always find an excuse good enough as to why I didn't rehearse and this is ticking me off. My actions are not matching my dreams. I know this... I talk about this with myself...yet..I still go back to the same cycle.

Listen yo, I don't want to stay dreaming until I'm in my 30s and 40s and still plotting the same ideas that are in my head now. You gotta understand that I've had the same dreams ever since I was a kid and although the dreams are more defined and structured now..they are still just that..dreams. So i realize I have to be hard on myself because making excuses has clearly not worked out for me.

I also need to start implementing this discipline and consistency on small things, like ..those small insignificant things I keep saying I will do but never do...taking my shoes that need new soles and heals to a shoe repair guy, clearing up my over crowded boot, drinking 2L of water daily and so on. I suppose if I have at being disciplined in my daily life with the small things, I don't suppose I would actually make it work. Its either I have excuses or results. I've been chilling with buckets of excuses for a while and that hasn't worked so I suppose the other option has to work.

If I'm going to be a big deal..I suppose I out to start acting like one...capisce?..



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